Monday, June 26, 2006
daddy-o
belated happy birthday dad :))
different colored balloons fill the blue sky, but i hope mine will reach you.
{edited}
Daddy-o,
I finally survived hell year: 3rd year! With fairly good grades, too. (compared to my 2nd year grades which are just yikes) Slacking off is still my thing though, but I'm trying harder now, although I obviously still suck at math. I wish you were here. You're the only one who could help me with those seemingly confusing math problems which I've always hated ever since. I'm ultimately scared about entrance exams though. I don't think I'll have enough brainpower left for solving those math problems when I do get there :)) Do help me, please.
I've filled out my UPCAT form last last month! I would really love to go to Diliman, dad. I feel that I can be great there. My first choice, and you might be surprised to know, is BA Fine Arts. I know I'm not exactly the Pablo Picasso when it comes to drawing, but I do love art and I do have a passion for it. I have to pass the talent test too though, and I pray that you'll be with me to keep me calm and sane, since I’m going to need that.
Creative Writing is my second. Still remember the poems I "struggled" making as a child? I used words which sounded big enough to me, without minding what it meant. I have always been after the "rhyme" and how good it sounds when I recite it. :))
You know what? I've been practicing and learning more songs of The Beatles in guitar. Whenever I play them, I remember you. You always play their songs, and I've loved every single one of them. Mom found your chord book thing by the way, the red hardbound one. It's preserved in the library, and I open it every now and then just to look at your handwriting. Great song choices, by the way, dad! You do know the songs I love to hear.
I'm also in love with Jack Johnson. You should hear his songs! I just know you'll enjoy them as much as I do. Maybe you could even teach me how to play some of his songs! Most of his stuff are too complicated for me to figure out by ear, but I do try.
Anyhoo, I've been downloading lots of oldies, dad. My favorites are songs of Barry Manilow, Ray Charles, The Cascades, James Taylor and Stevie Wonder (of course, songs of The Beatles are a given!). I always smile when I hear "You Are the Sunshine of my Life". You've always sung that to me since I was little, haven't you? I can still hear you.
Oh yes, I've found the Spice World tape you bought me (way back, Grade 1) inside the Hilux compartment. I'll never stop loving the girl band (and to think you're the one who introduced me to them!) Remember, you said I looked like Baby Spice? Now I realize that you were probably just saying that and there's not even the slightest bit of resemblance between us even when I was a kid- but I believed in you.
Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that up to now, I'm still not required to wear glasses, or at least contacts, despite excessive reading especially under insufficient lighting. I'm still the book nerd that you know, although I've moved on with my Nancy Drew Notebooks obsession! I've also found a new haven in Powerbooks. You might be surprised to know that I actually find NBS sucky now, basically because it is usually crowded. Plus, they lack good book titles and stocks, which can get pretty annoying when you have to actually buy something there because you don't have a choice and then they tell you that they don't have this and that in stock. It sucks, It really sucks.
I wish you were still here though, so I could go visit my sanctuary whenever I want to. We'd spend a day swimming in a sea of loverly books, and hopefully I'd be able to convince you to buy me at least one out of the sea of books there.
Dad, remember how I used to be scared of the idea of camping, especially without you guys with me? Well guess what? I attended my first YA camp last summer, and I loved it. I loved the experience. I will always find such joy in worshipping God together with kids my age who truly love Him. I am just so blessed to know these people who are willing to serve Him wholeheartedly. I seek for opportunities where I can serve Him, even in such little ways like being one of the guitarists during masses or something. I'm following your example, dad, and my friends' too. I am filled with joy, knowing that I can also be one of them. Truly, there still is goodness left in this world.
How are you by the way, daddy-o? I've been talking excessively that I forgot to ask you how you're doing. Maybe because I know that you'll always be okay there. You shall always be happy. It's really nice to know that you're getting what you truly deserve. Won't you please say hi to Kuya Jes for me? Please say thank you for listening to me blabbing away during my chapel visits. I really appreciate it.
I just realized that I never got to actually "thank you-thank you", for everything. Thanks for helping me remember stuff I hurriedly memorize for quizzes and tests, even though I don't really deserve to remember them for being so stubborn. Thanks for helping us, in both small and big decisions whether it's deciding on which book to buy, or something really major, most of which are mom's concerns. :)) Thanks for making me feel better after crying my heart out. I can feel my troubles floating away together with the wasted teardrops of bitter memories. Thank you for always letting us feel like you've never left...
I hope you do hear me as I randomly talk to you in your home in Himlayan. I hope you don't mind that I don't really have serious issues to share with you. I just like to fill you in with the things you've missed. I just really miss talking to you.
I miss you, Dad. We all do. In your 44 years of existence, I've only shared 9 with you. I wish I knew you more. But I can feel that I am still in the process of knowing you still, through making us feel that you're very much with us. I hope you know that even if all that's left with me are memories of you, I shall lovingly keep them and remember them, and whenever I see the worst of the world, I have only to look at our million captured memories, and I know I'll be okay, seeing and remembering the simplest, most random and most beautiful things I have shared with you.
Your memories shall keep me safe.
Remember me,
Therese.
killed a random reader @ 9:11 PM
Thursday, June 22, 2006
fading worlds of make-believe
If I try to tell you all my mishaps and misadventures as a child, I would probably sound weirder than I really am. (I know, hard to believe right?)
I know we all had our moments of television boxes turned into our future dream home and pretend-to-be-a-Disney-princess days, but mine are a little more bizarre than that.
I enjoyed playing "kitchen" by myself. I filled those tiny cups and little plates from different cooking sets from many Christmases ago, with water from the faucet and little bits of green and yellow paper, as I tried to convince my dolls that I cooked green peas and corn for them to eat for supper.
I enjoyed pretending to be a big time Hollywood star, signing autographs for non-existent fans and waving at invisible crowds. My sunglasses and my mom's high heels, which were five times larger than my feet, completed the look and feel of stardom.
I loved playing "Nancy Drew" with Alex, as we tried to solve "mysteries" such as "Asan na ang nawawalang notebook ni Abby?" and more "intriguing" stuff that will make us one of the most important people in the world, if we manage to figure them out. I used to get my binoculars and examine our street for potential crushes (just kidding, I know you won't buy that :))) and used to "dust" fingerprints and examined them with my magnifying glass for no particular reason. I just felt so spy-ish whenever I do that.
You get the picture. I loved being the pretend princess. I still love being one, although I don't bring out my plastic pots and pans anymore :)). I loved and still love creating worlds of my own, and I could remember every single one I've imagined.
I'm sure you've painted your own world, too.
We all have our own world, where we could just be free to choose who we want to be for that certain time. Even if we outgrow our cute little bunny slippers, we could still choose to remember and sometimes visit the world we've left behind once.
Although some puts on too big heels, leaving their worlds once happy and filled with magic, unopened and forgotten.
You don't have to grow up if your heart is still back there in Neverland.
I never left.
Cheers.
Devious and Twisted,
Therese
P.S. Reading 2003 issues of Time and Newsweek is the closest i could get to "productive".
Other than "The Umbrella Man and other stories" (i finally finished it!) , which I immensely love by the way, those magazines, which I actually got from my classmate who didn't like issues dated way back 2003, are the only ones worth reading after hours and hours of assignments and fake-studying (kidding). I'm through with our Reader's Digests. :)) yay!
killed a random reader @ 10:07 PM
Monday, June 19, 2006
wheezer
i must be cursed.
lahat nalang ng punatahan kong blog, nasisira.
suckos.
anyway, ok na tong blog na to, thank heavens.
yeck, whattaline.
ate meg's leaving tomorrow (cousin), she's off to a place where the grass is lethally green and the baa-ing of the sheep can get really drive you nuts. two words- new zealand.
i'm gonna miss her. petra, kahit lagi tayong nag-aaway nung bata tayo, i still lo... l... lov... urk. ayoko na. :))
joke lang. alam mo na yan! sulat ka bruha! ay. may ym pala. pero mas special ang snail mail :))
see you in 3 freakin long years...
random sharing: ginawan ko siya ng 2 pages long na rap as a farewell "present" since i bought classic books with my money already. funneh yun a. :)) nagbuhat daw ba ng sariling bangko. tsktsk.
anyway, sarap magtagalog dito a.
hokay, ginawang tula kanina lamang, Magnetic Poetry inspired. dream ko magkaautumn dito kasi, kaya yun.
Remain for Autumn
The pavement turns to golden bricks
With every fall of a crisp leaf, old
Under darkened clouds, I walk alone
Remembering all secrets left untold
Though the flowers bloom in beauty in May
I still long to be in autumn's orange glow
As I take in breeze the season brings
I find again, the peace I love and know
The comfort brought by some colored leaves
From high above treetops to walked on grounds
Taking me back to perfection until
Seemingly forgotten love I've found
Walking through just leads me home
Remembering the path I've memorized once
Marked with tiny pebbles, I make my way
Lighted by the white beams of the sun
I run and laugh and dance and sing
Long gone the days of summer and spring
Till these leaves are touched gold, I remain to be king
And just celebrate the new life an autumn end shall bring
err. patawarin ang pagkawalang sense niya.
ok, back to english mode:
i have much to tell but i am too lazy to tell you all about them , so wag na, mabobore din kayo :))
random lines from the depths of my forgotten documents:
I believe
Made-up stories seemingly true
Every uttered "I love you"
And your pure and simple soul
Among the black as abysses of the world
And every touch from your calloused hand
Brings out the thousand faces I never show
And I dance with joy because I can
I know you're behind me.
kung sino makahula kung sang poem ko to galing, aaaay. idol :)) never ko pa naman to napost. hula lang.
ok ang boring ko ngayong araw.
lagi naman ata e.
Cheers
Devious and Twisted,
Therese
onga pala, happy birthday to miss jennie-jo, we miss you, and to Pepe (yak close?!) (or Dr. Jose (insert other weird names here) Rizal, fine), my oh so fabulous idol. oyes. ang babaero mo. kakahiya! :))
killed a random reader @ 9:10 PM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
AMP is dead.
my dreams of being able to rock with my electric guitar & electric guitar-ing clubmates for Spotlight 2 and feeling, once again the privileges of being a Performing Arts Club member all went down the drain today.
why in the world do they have to change our club moderator? please tell me why. why effing why???
and yes, the fact that an electric guitar (or an e.guitar player too perhaps) is no longer welcome in this "hap-hap-happy" club *note the sarcasm* isn't what ultimately upsets me. it's this "symphony" word that's with it, and the new moderator about to handle the club. (symphony and acoustics, wtf?!)
oh let's cry.
so now i have zero plans on being an AMP (acoustics club) member anymore.
and the so-called "turning over of responsibility" we had last year... well go figure.
now i can never be president of the club.
oh shites...
the question is, where? where do i go when our trusty, last year's club moderator runs off to supervise some other crappy club?
what club do i choose when the word "symphony" added by this new, self-proclaimed "super-musician-about-to-be-new-moderator" becomes the end of "my" stage performing?
i bet the now called (put dreadful name here) club (cry cry cry) shall be first-year infested, basically because of their ignorance to the manipulating, *@&#&@* attention hungry moderator whom they have to bear with for a year.
poor freshmen.
they don't know any better...
clubfest schmuckfest.
oyea, for our first HRR, we shall be reading a classic. hmm. dapat wala daw movie nun. give me good titles, suckos! please? :))
i hate this blog entry. but i just had to say it.
AMP is dead.
and so am i.
So long REJECTS,
Therese
P.S. - saw mikee lee from PBB (hey it rhymes!) last sunday in powerbooks. yehes sa powerbooks pa talaga. hmm random sharing.
killed a random reader @ 5:32 PM
Monday, June 05, 2006
hell hall, patch power and first day frights
watching my sister as she paced back and forth from the kitchen to the dining table, kitchen to the dining table, kitchen and back again to, you guessed it, the dining table, was such a laugh for me.
she was so anxious, in a worried-sick-about-to-throw-up state last night while i was happily finishing a banana (which i had to eat because apparently, i need the potassium, according to the doctors) which i didn't really fancy eating that time.
she was nervous about going back to school, and about her classmates too (baka daw yung kinaiinisan niya maging kaklase niya) and i just had to laugh.
i was, in no way, worried about going back. i was just in NO mood to go back.
of course, our helpers weren't too excited about it either.
to wake me up they have to literally drag me out of bed and hold my arms to prevent me from finding my blanket to cover myself up and snuggle back to sleep again. i'm stubborn and i know it.
i've studied in my school for too long to not know that we're always going to be the last to start vacation, and the first ones to go back to school.
i know, i know, the teachers miss us SO much.
NOT.
okay so i know that the dire, dull details of this uneventful first day of classes will make its way to almost everyone's blog and i don't want to be left out. (okay kidding, i'm bored so i'm typing)
so. first day of classes.
it wasn't bad.
i like my classmates.
well. almost all of them.
pats was there (my cakesniffer), irish, koko, keish, jescia, lots of COL officers including the president and the level rep, basta masaya. i'm also quite happy with our adviser because just thinking of the unfortunate students of (insert section here) makes me want to gloat. then feel guilty about it.
anyway, the usual first day orientation happened. i, for one, was just excited about the air-conditioning.
finally after 11 years of being an SHSian, i'll have a taste of how an air-conditioned classroom is. it's easier to fall asleep with that kind of classroom you know. (since masyadong tipid ang SHS at masyadong generous sa outreach, 4th year lang may air-con) but but but and a million more buts, even if we waited, and waited, and waited while trying to keep ourselves cool by fanning ourselves with our brand new fillers (or paperbags, whichever looks cuter), hindi na on yung air-con. i don't know why, and i most definitely don't want to know. i just want my classroom cold, that's all. and they don't give it to me. shites, gotta go and complain (*checks organizational chart*)
due to some unfortunate circumstances, i wasn't able to get my locker today, the sole reason is because i couldn't find my combi lock. i blame the cabinets for hiding my ticket to a good locker a.k.a my combi lock below the tons of other stuff in it. (since the first ones to have a lock gets to choose their locker)
*random silly line*
teacher: "linisin niyo palagi yung locker niyo, mamaya may anaconda na diyan hindi niyo pa alam"
i had to laugh. not because of the corny joke, please, but because of the anaconda thing.
was she really serious??? kahit ulo ng anaconda di man lang magkakasya sa cheapskate, too small lockers ng SHS.
okay so i'm the leader of our group (the cleaning one), and i'm not exactly the most organized, neat freak person in the world, so go figure why. (random sharing)
our adviser was discussing "house rules" (translation = classroom rules) awhile ago. how big brother-ish, you agree?
can you believe that we already have a freakin' homework? an easy one though, but still.
earth to my school, it's the FIRST day!!!!
so anyway, the canteen is now called "Mo. Maria Helena Hall" or just plain hell (fine. hel) hall, although there's one problem...
it's NOT even a hall, you freaks!
what a way to start the recess cycle (ongoing tiill march). my first recess snack as a senior was jack & jill choco-knots.
you shouldn't have expected anything grand, like pre-heated Yellow Cab pizza, leftover from dinner.
i was in the mood to eat one of those. anyway, pats was kind enough to share her hershey's kissables (yun ba tawag dun?) so ok lang kahit choco-knots lang nakain ko.
anyway, i was a wee bit disappointed (okay, maybe not just a wee bit) to find out that the canteen wasn't rearranged this year. every year it was like "wow bago yung ayos ng canteen" but this year, no. same old, same old.
not to mention the same old food concessionaire na sobrang kurakot, sobra pa sa doble ng presyo ng pagkain kung tumubo.
geez.
although the canteen trip was fun. with a certain thing you call patch power, you are invincible. that big red number 4 says it all. every scared first year would step out of the way for you to be able to buy that Milo drink you don't really want but you decide to buy one anyway just to feel the stares of those lower batch students staring at that big red number on your chest. they feel threatened (and mind you, no one does the threatening. it's a psychological thing i guess) and we like it.
being a senior has it's perks, and it is loverly.
so that pretty much sums it up. the school hasn't changed much since i last saw it. (which was last saturday. haha). kidding aside, it really looks pretty much the same, except for the J-court (or Jansen/jologs court, whichever you prefer) which has large maroon bars already (i think they're getting it covered) and the building names with the big large name plates in cheap plastic. (they call the canteen a hall when it's not a hall, sheesh)
i just hope to have my Formal Theme (or themeS? libre mangarap) placed in the so-called "Wall of Fame", get an A- conduct for even just a quarter this year, and NOT suck at physics, anal. geom, accounting and economics. the horror of math and numbers... oh and also to be able to row the tin-can boat to be for Physics without completely ruining it, not to mention our grade for it.
waiting for the air-conditioning to just work...
Cheers.
Devious and Twisted,
Therese
killed a random reader @ 4:02 PM
Friday, June 02, 2006
making it beautiful
it was nice, being out of the house for a change. (hospital trips don't count, please)
[this week i've been in the hospital twice, and i shall be back again tomorrow. it's depressing actually, so don't ask why.]
off to gateway today. had loads of fun with my friends (kaso wala si jill and ces...suckos)
the thing is, our helper was with me (as promised) and we had to commute all the way there.
only the ugliest part of the "commuting" experience was the tricycle in front of us was emitting TOO MUCH SMOKE!
i swear, my thick jacket i used to cover my nose wasn't even enough to make me ignore the smell of the smoke.
anyways... gateway.
all of my friends were waiting for me there in taco bell already. i was late. sorry, not my fault. blame the bus.
we watched a movie (koko's treat). i usually don't like being the last person (beside an empty chair/s) but angela didn't too, so i decided to be a saint (HAH!) and became the last person (beside 2 empty chairs)
so this man with a cap comes along and seats at the last chair, leaving the chair beside me still empty. he looks like the sort of guy who would videotape a movie and sell it cheap, with a large backpack and all. i tried to ignore him.
but then he placed his large backpack beside me, and i was like "nooo... may bomba kaya sa loob?" and i was listening hard for any ticking sound that might come from the bag. i AM paranoid about these things, and stereotyping is my thing (which is not really a good thing). so i was fidgeting in my seat and stuff and i think angela noticed. :))
so anyway, i'm just glad that i wasn't blasted off into pieces or something worse than that, like getting diabetes perhaps. @-)
okay so after the movie, nag timezone kami. i wanted to own the air hockey table whatchamacallit. (yung kapitbahay ko meron nun! maluho talaga. haha joke lang maix) i get a bit competitive when i play air hockey, since i am unathletic therefore i can't be competitive in anything else other than this. haha.
played tekken 5 there. it was a bit difficult, since the PS2 buttons are way smaller compared to the arcade ones. i picked hwoarang, (he's my favorite character :))) since baek in tekken 5 is too old! played racing too. 2 fast 2 furious ata yun kasi may mga babaeng nandun sa tabi ng kotse ang sarap sagasaan.
"sexy" girl : "ready, set, goooo!" (or something like that) - said in a "seductive" tone. actually, it was annoying. well maybe not for the guys :)).
went karaoke-ing. we had three free songs because of a defective arcade thing which "ate" our 27 peso credits.
we were trying to imitate the moves of the 3D background girls there (who were apparently dancing) which reminded me of a freakish classmate of ours actually.
my cousin asked me to buy him a "bubble tape" thing, but being the forgetful me, i... forgot. i actually felt kind of guilty. i was intending to buy one... kaso nagkaamnesia ako nung nagsasaya pa ko, so yun... sorry cousin.
(speak of the devil... pumasok siya sa kwarto habang tinatype ko to. ok labo)
took crazy pictures and ate and went home. the fun was short-lived. but at least...
SO... i made a short "poem" (if you could call it one) awhile ago. i was bored, and sort of wanted to write something. anything. gaaaah. so here:
If My Lines Are Beautiful Enough (lame title i know)
Lines I try to make beautiful
Under the dimming light of passion
I write without knowing reason
But I know you're enough
Words are nothing but words
Trying to reach some willing hearts
You still remain to be far
Silent, beyond my dreams
I write with unseen perfection
Yet the thousand tries, I shall not mind
Hoping these words I write can reach you
If my lines are beautiful enough.
so... yun lang. haha. that's it. comment ka nalang kung napangitan ka. :))
Cheers.
Devious and Twisted,
Therese
killed a random reader @ 8:47 PM
